[This... this clearly isn't easy on her. She won't look at him, and he still feels trembles coming from her. It heaps on more guilt on top of the mountain already inside him, but at least that little bit he can fix.]
Hey.
[He leans his head down, trying to meet her gaze. Or at least encourage her to look up. And there's a hand on her cheek, trying to guide her to look at him.]
I'm not mad. I'm far from it. I... thank you. [He almost grimaces, self-conscious of how lame that sounds. Lame, and completely short of the mark of what she deserves to hear back. But he knows the only thing worse is lying to her about it.] And about Herian... I don't think Cosima would let her. And even if she keeps saying she's gonna, well... we'll talk to her. Together. I'll help you do whatever it takes. [Now it's his turn to look away, down at the floor.] Least I can do, since I can't tell you what you deserve to hear. And it's all me. It's all on me and my stupid...
[Hang-ups. Inhibitions. Fear. Whatever term works best. But it's truly him, not her.]
( her own self-consciousness is beginning to rear its ugly features. although he ducks his head down, she has to stop herself from covering her face and squeezes her eyes shut, breathing shakily. somewhere, somehow that sickening scent of fire and ash and brimstone is lingering in the back of her mind and she prays that she does not hear carys' voice again. )
You do not have to thank me. ( it's nothing she deserves, she half says but chokes it back. holds it down. ) I wasn't ready... I— I'll tell you one day to your face not just let you hear secondhand from me yelling it at a demon. I'll actually say it but—
( she finally looks up, she's not sad nor crying but she just looks tired. ) But you saw what happened to Carys. I couldn't protect her even though I loved her. I love Herian and now she might not even remember what love is. I can't lose you, I can't and I'm afraid to say it. I'm afraid this is my curse. I have to be better than that.
( she thinks to comment on herian and she does consider his words but right now? saoirse has to say this now. carefully, she reaches out and takes his hands as her fingers run over the branded ink. everything felt so past her understanding, so out of reach but what she could understand. what she did know. it was easy enough and she leans in, pressing her lips across the brand in a gentle kiss. )
But I'm not afraid of you. A lot of what I saw, I don't think I'll ever fully understand but it doesn't change how I feel about you You're you, Prompto. No one else can take that from you and no one else can ever replace you. I'd never allow it.
[Maybe he didn't have to, but it's the say he could say. Because it's more than he ever thought he'd get, and probably more than he deserves. But he'll take it and cherish it. Someday, he hopes he'll work up the nerve and return it.]
That jerk ousted a lot of things I don't think anyone was ready for. It's okay. I... if it makes you feel better I can pretend I didn't hear it? Act surprised when you say it later? [Hopefully actually say it back by then?] But you're not cursed, Saoirse. I... don't know what happened with Carys, but it kinda sounds like she lived fast and loose and liked to do really bad stuff. There might not have been much you could do. And Herian's not past saving. Just gotta knock some sense into her.
[He says, as if he's not absolutely terrified of Herian. But for Saoirse, he'll do whatever it takes.
There's more to be said, but his thoughts abandon him when she lifts up his arm, turning it over so his barcode's revealed. He flinches at the sight - he hates it, wishes he knew a way to get rid of it. A part of him wants to yank it away and hide it - normally it's hidden under a wristband, bandanna or sleeve.
But he swears his heart skips a beat when she kisses it. A lump forms in his throat, one he swallows quickly. ]
...I've been wanting to tell you. Ignis and I talked about it awhile back, hashed out how to explain it to you. But I wish it hadn't come up like that. [He gestures towards the bed.] We can sit and I can try and explain it. You should hear everything. [That way, she'll know the truth, and see if she still wants to be with something only pretending to be human.]
No, I don't want you to forget. ( because who knew what could happen next? it's a fear she never spoke on but one she couldn't forget because she truly didn't know when he'd go back home. ) And I'll think about ways to help Herian and, if needed, I will fight her.
( she holds his hand for a moment more as he speaks and nods lightly as he gestures toward the bed. saoirse doesn't want to force him, doesn't want him to say anything he isn't ready to say or tell her. still, she shrugs off her cloak and moves to sit with a quiet look to him. )
I... can't say I'll understand everything but I'll listen, always. You don't have to tell me anything that you don't want to say.
Yes ma'am. [Said lightly, trying to ease up the tone and atmosphere. It's just in his nature to try to, though he knows it's not going to last long.
That demon already forced his hand. There's no sitting on this for much longer. Parts of it are already out there, and now he needs to lay out the rest. If he waits, he might lose his nerve. So he climbs into bed, laying back against a pillow, leaving room for her to sit.]
I'll try and lay it out as clearly as I can. To be honest, there's some stuff even I don't fully get but I'll try.
[He looks down at his hands, wringing them nervously. Ignis told him that Prompto revealed his origins to his friends in time. But that hasn't happened for Prompto yet, so he has no guide as to how to go about this.]
...so, um. [Where does he start? Work his way up to it by trying to explain what he found in that awful laboratory, leading up to the truth of his origins? But even he feels like the details make his head swim. How confusing will it be to her, who has no background context for any of it?
No, he knows what he has to start with. Rip off the bandage now and get it over with. The details can come later.]
I'm not... Saoirse, I don't have parents. I wasn't born to a loving family. I was... created. You remember those glass tubes? I was grown - or, well, I was supposed to be grown in one of those. Not like a real person. Just another nameless, soulless being to fill in a uniform and fight in a war I'd have no say in. It's only because of dumb luck I wasn't. [That Lucian spy, whoever they were, saved him. And his voice cracks under the weight of that realization, of how he could have wound up. But it doesn't change how he came to be, or what that might mean to Saoirse.] I was born to be a monster.
( she scoots closer as prompto moves to lay down, automatically reaching for his hand and gently holding it in both her hands. all she can do now is let him now that she is here for him as he had been here for her, thumb gently stroking the back of his hand and hoping she can offer even a small bit of comfort.
slowly she tries to piece together with what she is saying between what she remembers from their encounter with the grief demon and what he is telling her now. children, babies, created to hurt others. it's no wonder that this has weighed so badly on him. it's easier, she finds, to try connecting those strings but one important piece stands out— )
You're not a monster. ( there's a lot to try and wrap her head around but this comes out almost immediately after he finishes speaking. she tries to understand it, grasp it in a way that makes sense to her but the most important thing is making sure he understands this. ) It does not matter what you were born or created to be or do. You have proven that you are more than that and maybe, maybe it was dumb luck but do you think if someone else had been saved that they would have been just like you? Do you think I would have the feelings I have for someone just because they happen to look like you? All the things you've done-- it's been because you decided to make it be true.
( she squeezes his hand and offers warm smile. ) Your origins do not define your entire existence. It is... it is starting point you cannot change but you are so much more than that. You've proven time and time you're more that.
[Even after what he tells her, she still holds his hands. She still smiles at him the same way, still encourages him and believes in him. Prompto lets out a shuddering breath. He was so afraid she'd recoil away from him, in fear or confusion of what he is and that she'd take back the words she said to him (well, said about him but close enough). A part of him still wonders if she'll change her mind over time, or if he tells her more about it, but most of the fear begins to recede.]
Sometimes I'm just... I'm afraid it's hidden in me, waiting to come out at the worst moment. Like a switch'll be flipped and I turn into what I was supposed to be. [A Magitek soldier, driven by one purpose and doomed to die for it.] Verstael, my... father I guess - he created thousands of soldiers, designed to kill. To kill Lucian people. To kill my friends. The place where I grew up, I was meant to destroy it. And when I traveled with Noctis and the others, we fought and destr - killed so many Magitek soldiers. I didn't think for one second that they were actual people. The whole time we thought they were machines. [It wasn't entirely wrong, but it wasn't the whole truth either.] I killed so many of them. And I would have been one of them.
[He shot them without second thought. His brothers, in a twisted way. Logically, he knows that they attacked him first and it was self-defense, but sometimes he can't help but draw the comparison: was he any different from them? Was all what he was meant to be still buried in there, coming out of its own accord? Was Verstael right?]
( she listens quietly... unable to find the right words and unsure if there was right words at this moment. for a moment, saoirse can only hold his hands and hope they offered him some sort of comfort in the tense moment that have passed on from her to him. carefully she let's go of his hands and reaches out to wrap her arms around his shoulders instead, pulling him into a hug. )
A mage is fire made flesh and a demon asleep. It's a proverb that I was told time and time again as if was something meant to happen because of how I was born. Because I wasn't like everyone else. It was held over me, kept me scared senseless of myself and wondering just what little mistake would trigger my transformation into an abomination. I couldn't stand it... the thought of hurting others.
( she squeezes harder, pressing a small kiss to his shoulder. )
I can't understand exactly how you feel but I know what you're saying... that isn't you just like I know now that that isn't me. And that man, ( because she refuses to say 'father' as if he deserved such a title. ) He might be the reason you were born but he didn't make you who you are. You did that, you made the choices and fought to be who you are right now. I can see how much Ignis cares and respects you, how glad he is that you're his friend.
( all she can do is hold him, hope her words make some sense and pray. ) You couldn't have know about them but now you do, now you can make a difference. You and your friends together. Because I know, just as I do, that your friends love you and I doubt they'd let you go so easily.
[Her very presence comforts him, and her hands in his help ground him. And when she pulls him into a hug, he immediately leans into her, arms clutching her tightly.
It's a sad, heart-wrenching similarity between the mages and the Magitek clones. Not the same, no, but the parallels exist. All told what they had to be, given little (or no) choice and their image maligned by general society. But as sad as it is, it does help her understand, and he's grateful for that. Especially since he's sure some of this goes over her head because of the science involved. Hell, even he barely understands half of it.]
I hope you're right. Iggy said as much, too. [He squeezes her gently.] Thank you, Saoirse. For accepting me. I.. didn't know how you were going to react when I told you. The last thing I wanted was to scare you away. But, it looks like neither of us are going anywhere.
( she leans back slightly, nose scrunched and smiling wide as she places a lopsided kiss to his nose. it really is so very hard to see him upset, she hates but maker-- she understands. in some odd, twisted, strange way... she understands. )
I know I'm right and, obviously, you are simply stuck with me. I want to stay at your side, Prompto. Would that be fine with you?
[His own nose scrunches in delight at the kiss it receives.]
I wouldn't call it stuck. More like lucky. [And he absolutely is. Saoirse's wonderful, and kind, and beautiful. She learned about his past and what it makes him, and yet here she stays. All that worry for nothing. He almost laughs in relief.] It'd be more than fine. I don't think anything would make me happier.
( because, in the end, her own secrets were laid bare but he's still here. he's still in reach and still, in his own special way, making her heart sing. it brings a splash of color to her face, smile widening as he leans in to kiss him again. )
Though I refuse to leave this spot until I see a smile from you. ( she says between more kisses. grinning all the while. ) And be sure to remind me never to be away from you for so long again.
[Prompto begs to differ, thank you very much, and he almost says as much, but before he can she's kissing him. And the protest evaporates from his mind as he returns her affections, arms pulling her closer as he lays back on the bed.]
What if I don't want you to leave, though? Will I have to be grumpy all night?
( saoirse can't help but giggle as he lays back, pulling her along and making sure to kick her shoes off before she pulls her legs close to get comfortable against him. )
Hmm. I would wonder if you could manage to stay grumpy that long, I am very persuasive and a very good kisser. ( she says, grinning but ever so enjoying getting to kiss him more. ) But if you don't want me to leave then all you have to do is ask me to stay.
[And she is absolutely right on all counts. Despite trying to stay straight-faced, he finds it increasingly hard as he returns yet another kiss. Especially when she laughs like that. Damn, at this rate he's not gonna last two minutes.]
You got me there. [Guilty as charged.] But I mean... do you? Of course I hope you do, but I know you literally just got back from a trip and I'd totally get it if you want to sleep in your own bed. One free of me and a certain cat.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2018-05-19 06:54 pm (UTC)Hey.
[He leans his head down, trying to meet her gaze. Or at least encourage her to look up. And there's a hand on her cheek, trying to guide her to look at him.]
I'm not mad. I'm far from it. I... thank you. [He almost grimaces, self-conscious of how lame that sounds. Lame, and completely short of the mark of what she deserves to hear back. But he knows the only thing worse is lying to her about it.] And about Herian... I don't think Cosima would let her. And even if she keeps saying she's gonna, well... we'll talk to her. Together. I'll help you do whatever it takes. [Now it's his turn to look away, down at the floor.] Least I can do, since I can't tell you what you deserve to hear. And it's all me. It's all on me and my stupid...
[Hang-ups. Inhibitions. Fear. Whatever term works best. But it's truly him, not her.]
no subject
Date: 2018-05-20 01:13 am (UTC)You do not have to thank me. ( it's nothing she deserves, she half says but chokes it back. holds it down. ) I wasn't ready... I— I'll tell you one day to your face not just let you hear secondhand from me yelling it at a demon. I'll actually say it but—
( she finally looks up, she's not sad nor crying but she just looks tired. ) But you saw what happened to Carys. I couldn't protect her even though I loved her. I love Herian and now she might not even remember what love is. I can't lose you, I can't and I'm afraid to say it. I'm afraid this is my curse. I have to be better than that.
( she thinks to comment on herian and she does consider his words but right now? saoirse has to say this now. carefully, she reaches out and takes his hands as her fingers run over the branded ink. everything felt so past her understanding, so out of reach but what she could understand. what she did know. it was easy enough and she leans in, pressing her lips across the brand in a gentle kiss. )
But I'm not afraid of you. A lot of what I saw, I don't think I'll ever fully understand but it doesn't change how I feel about you You're you, Prompto. No one else can take that from you and no one else can ever replace you. I'd never allow it.
no subject
Date: 2018-05-20 02:23 am (UTC)That jerk ousted a lot of things I don't think anyone was ready for. It's okay. I... if it makes you feel better I can pretend I didn't hear it? Act surprised when you say it later? [Hopefully actually say it back by then?] But you're not cursed, Saoirse. I... don't know what happened with Carys, but it kinda sounds like she lived fast and loose and liked to do really bad stuff. There might not have been much you could do. And Herian's not past saving. Just gotta knock some sense into her.
[He says, as if he's not absolutely terrified of Herian. But for Saoirse, he'll do whatever it takes.
There's more to be said, but his thoughts abandon him when she lifts up his arm, turning it over so his barcode's revealed. He flinches at the sight - he hates it, wishes he knew a way to get rid of it. A part of him wants to yank it away and hide it - normally it's hidden under a wristband, bandanna or sleeve.
But he swears his heart skips a beat when she kisses it. A lump forms in his throat, one he swallows quickly. ]
...I've been wanting to tell you. Ignis and I talked about it awhile back, hashed out how to explain it to you. But I wish it hadn't come up like that. [He gestures towards the bed.] We can sit and I can try and explain it. You should hear everything. [That way, she'll know the truth, and see if she still wants to be with something only pretending to be human.]
no subject
Date: 2018-05-20 02:51 am (UTC)( she holds his hand for a moment more as he speaks and nods lightly as he gestures toward the bed. saoirse doesn't want to force him, doesn't want him to say anything he isn't ready to say or tell her. still, she shrugs off her cloak and moves to sit with a quiet look to him. )
I... can't say I'll understand everything but I'll listen, always. You don't have to tell me anything that you don't want to say.
no subject
Date: 2018-05-20 04:12 am (UTC)That demon already forced his hand. There's no sitting on this for much longer. Parts of it are already out there, and now he needs to lay out the rest. If he waits, he might lose his nerve. So he climbs into bed, laying back against a pillow, leaving room for her to sit.]
I'll try and lay it out as clearly as I can. To be honest, there's some stuff even I don't fully get but I'll try.
[He looks down at his hands, wringing them nervously. Ignis told him that Prompto revealed his origins to his friends in time. But that hasn't happened for Prompto yet, so he has no guide as to how to go about this.]
...so, um. [Where does he start? Work his way up to it by trying to explain what he found in that awful laboratory, leading up to the truth of his origins? But even he feels like the details make his head swim. How confusing will it be to her, who has no background context for any of it?
No, he knows what he has to start with. Rip off the bandage now and get it over with. The details can come later.]
I'm not... Saoirse, I don't have parents. I wasn't born to a loving family. I was... created. You remember those glass tubes? I was grown - or, well, I was supposed to be grown in one of those. Not like a real person. Just another nameless, soulless being to fill in a uniform and fight in a war I'd have no say in. It's only because of dumb luck I wasn't. [That Lucian spy, whoever they were, saved him. And his voice cracks under the weight of that realization, of how he could have wound up. But it doesn't change how he came to be, or what that might mean to Saoirse.] I was born to be a monster.
no subject
Date: 2018-05-20 04:43 am (UTC)slowly she tries to piece together with what she is saying between what she remembers from their encounter with the grief demon and what he is telling her now. children, babies, created to hurt others. it's no wonder that this has weighed so badly on him. it's easier, she finds, to try connecting those strings but one important piece stands out— )
You're not a monster. ( there's a lot to try and wrap her head around but this comes out almost immediately after he finishes speaking. she tries to understand it, grasp it in a way that makes sense to her but the most important thing is making sure he understands this. ) It does not matter what you were born or created to be or do. You have proven that you are more than that and maybe, maybe it was dumb luck but do you think if someone else had been saved that they would have been just like you? Do you think I would have the feelings I have for someone just because they happen to look like you? All the things you've done-- it's been because you decided to make it be true.
( she squeezes his hand and offers warm smile. ) Your origins do not define your entire existence. It is... it is starting point you cannot change but you are so much more than that. You've proven time and time you're more that.
no subject
Date: 2018-05-24 07:10 pm (UTC)Sometimes I'm just... I'm afraid it's hidden in me, waiting to come out at the worst moment. Like a switch'll be flipped and I turn into what I was supposed to be. [A Magitek soldier, driven by one purpose and doomed to die for it.] Verstael, my... father I guess - he created thousands of soldiers, designed to kill. To kill Lucian people. To kill my friends. The place where I grew up, I was meant to destroy it. And when I traveled with Noctis and the others, we fought and destr - killed so many Magitek soldiers. I didn't think for one second that they were actual people. The whole time we thought they were machines. [It wasn't entirely wrong, but it wasn't the whole truth either.] I killed so many of them. And I would have been one of them.
[He shot them without second thought. His brothers, in a twisted way. Logically, he knows that they attacked him first and it was self-defense, but sometimes he can't help but draw the comparison: was he any different from them? Was all what he was meant to be still buried in there, coming out of its own accord? Was Verstael right?]
no subject
Date: 2018-05-25 02:49 am (UTC)A mage is fire made flesh and a demon asleep. It's a proverb that I was told time and time again as if was something meant to happen because of how I was born. Because I wasn't like everyone else. It was held over me, kept me scared senseless of myself and wondering just what little mistake would trigger my transformation into an abomination. I couldn't stand it... the thought of hurting others.
( she squeezes harder, pressing a small kiss to his shoulder. )
I can't understand exactly how you feel but I know what you're saying... that isn't you just like I know now that that isn't me. And that man, ( because she refuses to say 'father' as if he deserved such a title. ) He might be the reason you were born but he didn't make you who you are. You did that, you made the choices and fought to be who you are right now. I can see how much Ignis cares and respects you, how glad he is that you're his friend.
( all she can do is hold him, hope her words make some sense and pray. ) You couldn't have know about them but now you do, now you can make a difference. You and your friends together. Because I know, just as I do, that your friends love you and I doubt they'd let you go so easily.
no subject
Date: 2018-05-25 02:53 pm (UTC)It's a sad, heart-wrenching similarity between the mages and the Magitek clones. Not the same, no, but the parallels exist. All told what they had to be, given little (or no) choice and their image maligned by general society. But as sad as it is, it does help her understand, and he's grateful for that. Especially since he's sure some of this goes over her head because of the science involved. Hell, even he barely understands half of it.]
I hope you're right. Iggy said as much, too. [He squeezes her gently.] Thank you, Saoirse. For accepting me. I.. didn't know how you were going to react when I told you. The last thing I wanted was to scare you away. But, it looks like neither of us are going anywhere.
no subject
Date: 2018-05-26 03:55 am (UTC)I know I'm right and, obviously, you are simply stuck with me. I want to stay at your side, Prompto. Would that be fine with you?
no subject
Date: 2018-05-28 10:07 pm (UTC)I wouldn't call it stuck. More like lucky. [And he absolutely is. Saoirse's wonderful, and kind, and beautiful. She learned about his past and what it makes him, and yet here she stays. All that worry for nothing. He almost laughs in relief.] It'd be more than fine. I don't think anything would make me happier.
no subject
Date: 2018-05-28 10:33 pm (UTC)( because, in the end, her own secrets were laid bare but he's still here. he's still in reach and still, in his own special way, making her heart sing. it brings a splash of color to her face, smile widening as he leans in to kiss him again. )
Though I refuse to leave this spot until I see a smile from you. ( she says between more kisses. grinning all the while. ) And be sure to remind me never to be away from you for so long again.
no subject
Date: 2018-05-28 11:50 pm (UTC)What if I don't want you to leave, though? Will I have to be grumpy all night?
no subject
Date: 2018-05-29 12:12 am (UTC)Hmm. I would wonder if you could manage to stay grumpy that long, I am very persuasive and a very good kisser. ( she says, grinning but ever so enjoying getting to kiss him more. ) But if you don't want me to leave then all you have to do is ask me to stay.
no subject
Date: 2018-06-01 11:25 pm (UTC)You got me there. [Guilty as charged.] But I mean... do you? Of course I hope you do, but I know you literally just got back from a trip and I'd totally get it if you want to sleep in your own bed. One free of me and a certain cat.
no subject
Date: 2018-06-03 03:51 am (UTC)I cannot think of anything better after all the time apart. I spent enough time alone in Starkhaven and on the road.
no subject
Date: 2018-06-04 10:29 pm (UTC)Well then. Guess you're stuck with me for the night.